Journey's End

My last week in Germany was super busy. I just had a lot of stuff to do. Saying goodbye was not fun, but it was also a little weird, because it didn’t feel like I would actually be leaving. I just kept on having minor freak-outs as I would realize “3 days left… 2 days left… 1 DAY LEFT?!?!?!?” But I managed to get everything packed and ready to go in time. I stuffed almost everything into my suitcase, but had to leave some stuff behind because it would have been too heavy otherwise. When I got to the airport, I was worried my bag would be too heavy, but it was exactly 23 kilos (50 pounds). VICTORY! Once again, saying goodbye was hard, I tried my best not to cry. I was rather successful until I was on the train to Frankfurt, because it finally hit me that it was all over. Chances of seeing all my friends again are slim, and that’s hard.

In Frankfurt, I was very happy to see all the American friends that I have met this year. They cheered me up. It is a mark of how independent I have become that getting around the Frankfurt airport to the correct gate was no problem. I know that if I had been set loose on the airport before this exchange, I would have freeeeeeaked OUT. But I actually quite enjoyed myself. It was rather liberating to be able to get around by myself. The 8 hour plane ride was enjoyable as well, if you omit the obnoxious lady who sat behind me, pounding against the seat back to get the screens to “work” and putting some nasty feet on MY armrests. But I’m not dwelling on that. We arrived in DC around 3, which was so EXCITING. We were in AMERICA again!!! !!!!!!...! My feelings about coming back had been conflicted, but in that moment, I was so, so happy to be landing in the US of A. We went through passport control, picked up our bags, and headed our various ways. It was like stepping back through time, because we went through the area of the airport that we went through on the way to Germany. It was interesting to think back on the things I thought and felt as I left, the nerves, the uncertainty, the utter excitement, and then to contemplate how that has changed and who I am now. That was only 10 months ago, but so much has changed since then. I am more confident in myself, more independent, less shy and ridiculous, and perhaps a bit more mature and experienced. My understanding of the world, politics, morals/ethics, and myself (amongst so many other things as well) has grown and changed in ways that would not have been possible if I had gone directly to college. Some things weren’t easy, but I’m very glad I went. It wasn’t always what I expected, but it was awesome on so many levels and I’m so grateful to everyone I met there. It was a great experience.

Then it was time for jetlag and reverse culture shock. My domestic flights to Kansas began around 6:30pm (DC time), with a two hour layover in Chicago. I ate while I was there, and ordering was in and of itself a weird experience. I kept almost speaking German to the servers there (I was tired, okay!?). I was a little confused by American money, and couldn’t remember what a nickel looks like. I bought pizza that was marked under $5 on the sign, but with tax it was over $5, so when the cashier impatiently asked for more change, I was so confused and it was only after I walked away that I remembered tax. I finally landed in Kansas at 11:10pm (Kansas time). Now people, that may not sound late, but to my body, it was 6:10 IN THE MORNING! Needless to say, I was exhausted, having had been awake for over 24 hours. But it was great to see my family again, and especially so because my sister and her family surprised my parents (I knew about it already, muahaha) at the airport. So we all merrily stuffed ourselves into the car and headed back to my Kansas home. I kept having minor freak outs. “Oh my goodness I’m in KANSAS! Look! Those trees! It’s flat! WALMART! This road is new! Oh my, oh my, I know this place!” Stuff like that. Then when I actually got to the house, I just about exploded. Everything was so familiar, as if I had never left. I marveled at the sight of the large refrigerator and oven. I turned on a light and freaked out because the switch was so tiny. Then I was momentarily confused by the toilet flusher button thing, which I can’t remember the name of. At first I thought it was a toilet plunger, but that’s something else… Whatever. And the door knobs and locks are different! AND THERE’S CARPET! And I realized I didn’t need an adapter anymore to plug stuff in. Then I went to my room and discovered that I have clothes! I had forgotten about them. And I swear that my bed is higher than it was 10 months ago. As I finally settled down in my own bed, I started to cry. I’m not exactly sure why, but I think it was a lot of pent up emotions. Joy at being in America with friends and family and “normalcy”; sadness at not being in Germany anymore with friends and the things I learned and came to love about it; pent up stresses; relief. It was just bittersweet to be back. More reverse culture shock was to be had the next day when we made a trip to Walmart. I love Walmart now, there’s such a good selection of EVERYTHING there all in one place! Speaking in English with people I knew was no problem, but it was really weird that people in public and the announcements weren’t in German. I kept thinking “where’s the German?!” and expecting to hear it.

Life went on, and I had to readjust to the American way of life, and I got back into my old groove with surprising ease. I was talking with another CBYXer and we both had that feeling, but weren’t sure if that was something we wanted. How can things go back to “normal” after all we’ve experienced in Germany? I’ve changed, and I don’t want to go back to what was normal 10 months ago. I don’t want to forget all I’ve experienced and learned and how I’ve changed for the better. But most people don’t understand, because they still expect me to be the same ol’ person, but with a German accent. But I’m not the same.

There are times when I’m wondering where the next flight to Germany is. Because I miss everything. A LOT. But other times I’m SO GLAD to be back in America. Having been away, I have noticed some differences. Americans do waste a lot of water and energy. The first time I showered, I realized there was no way to adjust the water pressure (though I loved how big the showers are). And the way the toilets flush waste water sometimes. And we leave lights, TVs, computers, fans, etc. on ALL THE TIME. OH! And I don’t need to worry about where I throw away trash now, but I am still worrying about it. I threw an apple core away, but didn’t like doing it because it was the same place where I had thrown some paper and plastic away earlier! The German side of my brain was yelling at me for not recycling. But what I love about being back in America is I have realized, we really are very friendly. People will engage in little, friendly conversations all the time with strangers. While we were at Walmart, we almost hit carts with other people, and they were all “oh, I’m so sorry. <insert smile> No please, you first, etc.” So friendly. If that had happened in Germany… the usual response (if there was one at all) would not be unfriendly, per se, but just rather distant and reserved. ‘Tschuldigung, and no eye contact. Also, I love the patriotism of America. Driving down one street, I don’t know how many American flags I saw. We really are proud of our nation in a way that Germany isn’t. Goodness… there are SO many things I could comment about that one country does or doesn’t have, but I think I’ll just leave it at that.

Anyways, it’s great to be back in ‘Merica. I’ve missed it. But I am determined to bring back some of Germany with me. I’m going to do some German Christmas traditions, and bake and cook German foods. I have a bread cookbook that I bought in Germany, because I decided I am NOT going to live without bread again. Because what America has ISN’T bread. I don’t know what it is. But I don’t like it. It sticks to my teeth and has no flavor and dissolves into mush in my mouth. As I attempted to eat a sandwich (I couldn’t finish it) I kept thinking “How do we live like this?!?!” I digress. Basically, I’m not going to forget Germany, and I hope to go back. I learned so much there and there are plenty of German things that I can do here. Studying abroad there has influenced me in ways I didn’t expect, but I’m glad I had the opportunity. I’ve been there, and now I’m back again. It has been quite a journey (though I am disappointed to say there were no hobbits, dwarves, or dragons), but now it’s over, and it’s time for the next great adventure: college!