Switchin' it up

Things have taken a turn, so I’m going to get a new host family. Nothing bad happened with the one I’m with now; not really. It’s just we haven’t been as close as I would want and I still felt like a guest, but I still like them and think they were really nice and have had a lot of fun. Though in January, things were a little rocky and they (and I) had some concerns, so they contacted PI (the organization) for advice, which sent me an email explaining a few things and advising that I talk with my host family. I did, and I thought it was a really good conversation because it made me understand what had been bothering my host family. There had been a lot of misunderstandings because they weren’t sure how to read my body language and thought I should show more initiative. Okay, probably true. Just from that conversation, I got a lot of ideas and motivation for how I could improve my relationship with them and be more “active”, and since then I’ve been really, really trying hard to be more involved and I can personally tell that I’ve made progress.

However, a few days after that conversation, they decided that it would be better that I get a new host family. I was really shocked and upset and surprised and didn’t understand, but from talking to them, I think I get it now. Basically, even though we got along well and such, there are some cultural and personality differences that can’t be overcome when we are living together. They feel that I can benefit better from another family, and that there’s not much we could do to improve things here. I disagree on that point; I think we could still figure it out and be more like a family. But I do agree that perhaps another family would be better than this one for me. Thinking about it, I suppose we were kind of “doomed” to end up here from the beginning. They are very philosophical and “think deep thoughts” and whatnot, and are also teachers, so they are more observant and restrained and had more this goal to be my teachers rather than to be my parents (I think). They expected and waited from me that I totally open up to them, but because everything was so new, and German was hard, and I’m naturally a little reserved, I couldn’t really be myself and didn’t open up to them in a way that they could see and understand. So they didn’t really open up to me, and because they didn’t, I didn’t. Because they are such thinkers, they really over-thought some of my actions (which I admit may not have been so clear) and misinterpreted them very badly. Ridiculously so. If they had only asked… perhaps things would have turned out differently, because I had no idea what was bothering them. It’s really complicated and hard to explain, but that’s as simply as I can put it. SO, I’m sad that things didn’t work out, because I do think they are great people, and I like the friends I’ve met here, my school and teachers, and Wiesloch and Heidelberg. Everything here has been great, and I’ll be really sad to leave. I’m going to miss everything here a LOT. But my time here won’t have been wasted. I have learned a TON from this situation, and I feel like I can start up somewhere else with a lot more confidence and act more like my real self (which is hard in another language) and communicate more effectively. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. At this point, I have absolutely no idea where I’ll be going and when I’m leaving, but I hope it will be good and that I’ll have a family that I’m more compatible with. This has been extremely hard, but I’m glad for the things it has taught me.